Wicked

I just want to be sure everybody knows - I am THE MOST WICKED MOMMY, EVER. Yep, the wickedest. That title is alllllll mine, so back off. My five year old told me so via some very loud screams just now, as I was trying to rinse the shampoo out of her hair in the shower. (Clearly, I must be wicked for not wanting her to climb out of the shower all covered in suds. Sheesh!)

Kiddo's come up with some good barbs and insults for me over the years. Her standby is "Mean Mommy" but there are others, oh, are there others. For example, earlier this week, she called me a "crabby nut" in a fit of pique. (And yes, I did have PMS and probably was a crabby nut at the time, but that didn't stop me from sending her immediately into time out. Apparently I have a reputation to uphold, dontcha know.) I've also been naughty and unkind, but this was the first time I've been wicked. The wickedest, even.

Methinks the girl is watching a few too many Disney princess movies......

I wonder which Wicked One I most resemble, in her mind?

Maleficient?



Naaaah, I may be pasty, but I'm not green. Also not quite that tall or skinny, alas. (Though I do seem to have a way with birds, given the constantly empty state of the bird feeders at our house.) Besides, we haven't let her watch Sleeping Beauty yet, so she wouldn't have the reference.

How about Cruella?



Hmmm, no, I don't think so. I don't smoke and I don't wear fur, plus I love animals. Also, again, neither tall nor skinny. (She does look to wear a large shoe, though, so in that we'd match.)

Medusa, from The Rescuers (which the kiddo just watched a week or two ago)?



Possibly, though I tend to wear less makeup and rarely wear earrings these days. Oh, but I am fairly certain that there have been moments while driving that I look very much like this:



I'm gonna have to go with Ursula, I think. She is my Wicked Alter Ego. Definitely.



Okay, I'm not purple and my hair doesn't have quite that much white in it (yet, though the kiddo is doing her best to get it there, it seems...). And I'm a bit envious of all her limbs, because there are definitely times when an extra arm or six would come in mighty handy. But from the boobs (not to mention the rest of her curves) to the sass to the big volume both in hair and voice, yep, I think I can definitely channel Madame Sea Witch when I'm being wicked.



The kiddo (aka the Poor, Unfortunate Soul) eventually relented this evening and apologized for calling me wicked. This may've been induced partially by me informing her that Wicked Mommies don't read bedtime stories or sing lullabies. (When I was singing her a lullaby a short while later, she told me I sound a lot more like Ariel than Ursula. Awwwwww.) I'm sure there will be many more times when Kiddo thinks I'm wicked (or worse) in the future. Guess I'll have to get myself some evil animal sidekicks (think Swimmy could be converted? She already swims on the dark side...) and a sassy, magical shell necklace so I'm prepared...