Monday, January 5, 2009

Weighty matters

I've tried to resist blogging about this, but I've decided I shall. It may make me more accountable if I'm discussing it publicly.

I'm fat.

Yep.

No point in prettying it up with any euphemisms. I'm not "big boned" or "plump" or "chubby" or anything else. I am F-A-T.

And I've resolved, once again, to do something about it.

I'm a serial exerciser. I get myself all pumped up that *this* is going to be the time that I do it. I'm going to get into the habit of going to the gym every day. I'm going to become one of those people who feels icky if they *don't* work out daily. I'm going to become one of those folks who is addicted to exercise. I start out all positive and hyped up. I go to the gym once, then the next day, then a third. Possibly even a fourth or a fifth. I don't like it any more than I did on Day 1, but at least I'm going. I feel good about what a conscientious caretaker of my body I'm finally being. Then, something happens. Kiddo is sick so I have to stay home with her for a day or two. I'm sick so I skip a day or two. Aunt Flo makes me absolutely NOT want to go to the gym for a day or five. I have an appointment or alternate plans that I can't avoid so I can't go to the gym. And then, before I know it, I'm out of the habit. Once I start skipping, it all goes downhill. Fast. The next thing I know, it's been weeks since I've gone. I start feeling worse and worse about my fat self. Eventually, I summon up the motivation to go back to the gym and the cycle begins again.

I wind up losing a few pounds, which always come back. I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. And to think, back in high school when I weighed 132lbs, I thought I was fat. HAH. I'd love to be 132lbs again. Not that this is an actual goal. I've tried that before - the "I'll lose X number of pounds" goal, and that is just setting myself up for failure. My goal now is simply to get into better shape. I don't want to be winded after climbing a few flights of stairs. I want to be able to run after Kiddo at the park and not run out of steam, or follow her when she's on her bike and not spend every second hoping she'll slow down because I'm panting and red in the face. I don't want to have to hold my breath and hope that the shirt I see on the rack comes in extra-extra large. I want to be able to walk into ANY store and know they're going to have something in my size. It's embarrassing. Regardless of what I'm wearing - how much I think it is hiding my body, who am I fooling? Take one look at me and it is pretty obvious, I'm fat.

Why am I fat? Simple. I'm lazy. No better reason, unfortunately. Sure, I could probably eat better, but I don't eat that badly, either. I don't eat a lot of junk food (well, besides those darn Christmas tree nougats, and thank heavens they're gone for another year). I don't drink lots of soda. It all boils down to one thing: I don't like to exercise. I'd rather sit at my computer, or sit on the couch with a book, or just about anything that doesn't involve working out. The only thing missing from my regular, daily life is a concerted effort to exercise.

Sigh.

So, as I sit here waiting for Kiddo to get ready for school, I am in my workout clothes. My plan (once again) is to put her on the bus and go directly to the gym. I've got my 20th high school reunion coming up in May, and I'd like to be better looking than I am now. I mean, I've never been a hottie, but I'd rather not walk in and have everyone think my greatest accomplishment in the past 20 years has been turning myself into the Michelin Man.

Hopefully, this time, it'll become a habit. Hopefully, this time, I'll be in better shape in a few months, instead of exactly where I am now. Hopefully, this time, when I go shopping for an outfit to wear to the reunion, I'll need to look for a smaller size and won't have to worry about if the top is loose enough to cover my stomach, hips and rear, if it is clinging to my thighs. (Again: who am I fooling?) Hopefully, this time it will be different. Hopefully I'll get my weight down and my stamina up. I'm not going to think "I'll get down to 132." I'd just like to see something well below 200. If Oprah can admit it, so can I.



And away I go................ wish me luck!

23 comments:

My name is Andy. said...

You can do it! Your post even motivated me to want to try and get into better shape!

Let's do it together!

Debbie said...

I do wish you luck! I am the same way with exercise. I so wish I could find something I loved and then I would have the dedication to stick with it. Maybe we can all motivate each other.

NJDecorator said...

I am right with you - going for the same goal - gym after I get hubby and son off for the day.

Let's keep each other posted and motvitated..

JANE said...

I am so with you on this. I don't eat badly either and no sodas but please don't make me exercise, HATE it!! But NEED it! Check out Think Thin Thursday it will just be good for accountability! And I'll be right there beside you working out! Well it would be kinda hard to do with the miles between us but it's the thought that counts, right!!

annie kelleher said...

hey - i am right with you!!! since i got married three years ago, i have become FAT and HAPPY!!! i like being happy but i dont like being fat. i used to be 132 too!!! my goal is to be two dress sizes by my birthday - which is in three months. i decided this a month ago and so far i have lost 5 lbs. but i am LAZY and i can't say i enjoy exercise, either. so you have lots of company, it looks like! best wishes to you from a comrade in FAT! :)

Blogging Mama said...

Don't be super hard on yourself - you can do it! There is some great hypno thing along with walking that American in Norway (Treesa) has been doing that's working awesome for her. And you don't need a gym just walking where you live. It might be easier. Here's the link to her post about it -
http://tressainnorway.blogspot.com/2008/11/little-things-mean-lot.html

I hope it helps and just remember - you can do it :)

♥georgie♥ said...

I am with ya! I so want wii fit-I am not a gym person or a home gym person i get bored easily but the wii fit is something i think i would use....

as the guy(Rob Snieder) from waterboy says....
You can do it!

kwr221 said...

Hurry UP and move to my side of town so we can work out together. I need a partner to motivate me.

I did my "wog" (walk/jog) along the beach promenade just ONCE in Florida. After lugging an assortment of workout clothes in my luggage. :-(

I've got the Eastside and the Southeast Y less than 3 miles from my house.

Hope you're all healhty once again!

Lori said...

I certainly feel what you are going through! I am starting my attempt to re-lose all the weight I gained back over the last couple of years. The working out is the hardest for me too! I even got a treadmill over a year ago and it hasn't been used in a long time. Anyway, hang in there, you can do this and remember you are not alone. Your post certainly reminded me that I am not! Thanks for sharing it!

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Good LUCK! YOU CAN DO IT! ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!

You're right... it's not about the number, it's about how you feel. I've been working out regularly since May '08. I admit - I love Diet COke and I love CHocolate. And I haven't changed my eating habits. BUt I also haven't lost one durned pound. BUT... there's a but.... I feel so much better with myself now, and I am stronger, and I even look a little firmer in some places. My muffin top is now just a mini-muffin top.

However, I'm also a firm believer in getting good-fitting clothes. Esp. the right-fitting bra. NOthing makes a back-bra-bump more prominent than an ill-fitting bra. THAT'S my real slim-down regime: get the right clothes for your body that flatter your shape.

Here's to you. Even if you only exercise one day a week, it's once more than you did last week or the week before. Keep it up. You can do it.

sandy said...

Good luck! I wish I could drag myself to the gym. The truth is that I just don't feel comfortiable with everyone else around me when I work out. It's very intimidating. I started doing Think Thin Thursday on the Not-So-Blog-Blog so that at least maybe I can be more successful with strength in numbers. Good luck to you:)

Eudea-Mamia said...

I think Oprah is the perfect example of how hard it really is - every benefit at her disposal, and SHE still can't keep it off.

Don't be too hard on yourself. Exercising is a hard habit to create. I need it for my mental health, so there's some serious motivation. It's been almost 4 weeks since my last workout, and the shadows are sneaking up - I need to move it!!

You can do it. Remember, it's not all or nothing. If you make it to the gym only once this week, that's one more time than last week!!!

Lylah M. Alphonse said...

You can do it, because you've set the right goals and you have the right motivation. Sending you motivational vibes...

Kristin said...

I wish you all the best. I am the absolute worst about working out. I keep thinking that I should be skinny from chasing after rug rats all day but nope. Still fat. At least my fingers should be thin from all this typing but alas nope FAT. Maybe we can do it together. I'll check back. Off to do a sit up or 3.

PS thanks for commenting on my little ol' blog. Come back anytime.

Teresa said...

{{{ HUGS }}}

boy, do I ever feel your pain!

when you find the secret, will you bottle it for me?

Good luck!

Givinya De Elba said...

Oh all the very best! I can't believe that you and Hippomanic Jen and Le @third on the right have blogged about this on the same day. It's on my mind too, but I've sorta given up on losing weight in the short-term, I'm sure you understand ...

Jennifer said...

Wishing you lots of luck Heather! You can do it!!

I detest exercising too but I'm going to force myself. The truth is that I really do feel better when I'm in exercise mode. I haven't worked out in about 3 mos. and I feel gross! I start back again on Wed.

Good luck w/ your goal!!

Tara said...

I hear you loud and clear.
And all you in the comments section too. You see, you're not alone!

I'm trying to lose my baby weight (my 'baby' is now 3!) and it's bloody HARD

If it's support and motivation you're after, visit http://www.blogtofit.com/ - today there is talk of boobage.

Cathy said...

I don't eat badly...just eat too much! And I don't exercise either...gotta get on that! Good luck! You can do it!

Michele said...

Lots of good wishes sent your way. You can do it. But, please remember my resolution...Be gentle with yourself. You are worth it.
:-)

WheresMyAngels said...

I've seen your video's your far from fat!

Today, I start my "life style change" again. To diet is to fail. Diet is temporary and to loose weight and keep it off, I know I have to always remain on a course.

I love my Wii Fit, but often dont' have time for it with my job (and the hours I spend on the putor, lol) I'm trying to find some people that I can compeat against on my Wii. I have one friend and my husband. But now that I beat their scores I need motivation. Yesterday I spent an hour working out and it was fun. I'm hoping to do the same tonight. I weighed 130 in college and it was a good weight for 5'9. Now I am 193 (course that is better than my 212 last march). I want to get down to at least 145. Great my husband just brought home crab ragoon. Thanks jerk! lol

Femina said...

Oh, I totally get this. Feel free to come and join the fun at Operation Skinny Cow (operationskinnycow.blogspot.com)...

momto1 said...

Good luck! You can SO do this Heather!

I usually feel the same way about exercise when it involves having to go to a gym. I am much better when it is a "fun activitiy"--which, lets face it, in the middle of winter can only consist of doing things in which you are freezing your heinie off.

I have a pilates at home DVD that really kicked my butt (when I was able to do it) and I saw/felt some great results pretty quickly with it--which was a huge motivating factor for me.

Good luck!