I know all you moms out there are hoping for something fantastic for Mother's Day this weekend (at least all you moms who live here in the US where Mother's Day is being celebrated this weekend).
Well, you'll never guess what my kid gave me for Mother's Day on Thursday. Yes, it was a few days early so I'd have that much more time to enjoy it...............
She gave me this - a possibly broken nose. I know I definitely heard a crunching sound as she tripped while climbing into my lap on the couch to read her homework book to me and her rock-hard skull came crashing down into my nose.
To quote the ever-groovy Marcia Brady: "OH MY NOSE!"
I confess I yowled in pain, which was a lot better than the word that popped, unbidden, into my head at the moment of impact. *That* word would have caused a lot of trouble, so hallelujah that my record of Not Swearing in Front of the Kid remains intact. Let's just say that the word I'd been thinking has been redubbed as "Monkey Fighting" or "Monday to Friday" in the broadcast TV version of that piece of cinematic dreck Snakes on a Plane...
So, I managed to only scream "OWWWWWWWWWW!" as my eyes began tearing of their own accord. Of course it was entirely accidental and Kiddo felt *terrible* about it. (She actually asked me specifically to please tell Hubby that she "felt really, really terrible about it" when I related the story to him when he got home later that night.) I immediately went for an ice pack and after a few moments, returned to the couch where Kiddo quite gingerly set herself down next to me and proceeded to read me another scintillating book full of facts about the life cycle of a frog.
I kept icing it and took some ibuprofen for good measure, and by three hours later, it looked like this:
It was hard to tell if I was going to wind up with black eyes, but I took the lack of a nosebleed as a good sign and went off to bed. Sleep was not restful for me, though, because I am a habitual stomach-sleeper, face down on my pillows, so although I carefully arranged myself on my side with my nose well clear of the pillows, as soon as I was deeply asleep enough, I'd automatically roll over and then OW OW OW wake myself up, wait for my eyes to stop watering, carefully rearrange myself on my side and repeat until morning. A few times, I felt my nose running and though "Oh crap, now I do have a nosebleed" but it was just a plain, old, garden-variety runny nose, likely due to all the tears that my rolling onto my face was causing.
When daylight arrived, I did a quick survey - nothing seemed to have fallen off or swelled up to any grotesque proportions, and my pillowcase was delightfully clear of any bloody nose type stains. I went into the bathroom to observe what time had wrought -
Whew, no black eyes and the bruising and swelling weren't too bad, either.
So yes, for Mother's Day, I get to channel my inner Marcia Brady. She was so pretty and cool and popular - who wouldn't want to be Marcia, Marcia, Marcia? She did get to hang out with Davy Jones and have him sing to her, after all...
Now, while you're doubtless sitting there wishing your kid could accidentally be so thoughtful for you, let me wow you further - do you know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow? What my big plans are for Mother's Day? Well, hang on to your hats, because I'm going to be................ painting! (Are you jealous yet?) I'm actually rather excited about it, just because it means we're making progress on our renovation project list. Our current To Do List has a deadline on it - we want to have everything completed before Kiddo's seventh birthday party, which we're having here at the house (eep!) and to which Kiddo's inviting her whole class, Daisy troop and a few other friends (I believe we have 30 kids total who will be invited - double eep!) and which will have a Secret Agent theme. Speaking of the theme, I'm a bit miffed because I entered a contest to win food and beverages for a kid's birthday party through a group of organic food companies, and while I didn't win, they still posted my idea as one of their top "ideas we love" - what's up with that? You loved my idea but don't want to give me a few cases of organic snacks? Grrrr. (You can find their list here, and my idea is #3 - the Kim Possible Secret Agent theme. THIRD on the list, but I didn't win. There were multiple winners, btw. No, I'm not bitter. Okay, yes, I am a little bitter. I was so hoping to win!!) Anyway, we want to have the foyer, living room, dining room, hallway, stairways and downstairs bathroom done by then - we've got 3 more weekends before the party. Then there's the actual party, which is going to take some planning and preparation. There's also a bunch of school/PTSA and Girl Scout stuff going on in the next three weeks and the yard which won't stop needing mowing, just in case I thought I was going to be relaxing any time soon.
So, tomorrow when all you other moms out there are having mani/pedis or champagne brunches with George Clooney or hot stone massages or just sleeping in until noon and then watching whatever you want on TV completely undisturbed with snacks and beverages brought to you on demand, think of me, Marcia Brady with a paint roller. I'll raise a gallon of primer in a toast to you and wish you a very happy Mother's Day!
(Okay, I should mention in all seriousness and officially for the record that Hubby has said we will be going out for breakfast tomorrow morning, after Kiddo lobbied hard for "going out to eat for all three meals" for Mother's Day. I also know that Kiddo has a Mother's Day present for me hidden in her closet, as I've been expressly forbidden from looking in her closet before tomorrow. So, I don't mean to imply that they're not planning on doing anything in terms of celebrating tomorrow, just that once we're done with the celebrating, lots of painting type stuff will be taking place.)
I will leave you with a short video clip that has had all three of us Smiths cracking up this weekend -