Anyhow, the prompt I'm using in lieu of a crowbar is:
List 10 things you never knew until you were mom.
1) I never knew that one, ridiculously small human being...
could produce so much laundry. (That's Kiddo at 3 weeks old, newly home from the NICU and weighing almost 5 pounds. She's in a preemie onesie and socks and that's a normal sized pacifier next to her, to give you an idea of exactly how small she was. And yet, the piles of laundry she produced... the veritable Himalayan Mountains of laundry.......)
2) I never knew that I would one day know every, last move of the Wiggles' choreography, to go along with knowing every, last word and note of the Wiggles' extensive song repertoire. Even years after my daughter last watched the Wiggles I can still execute a mean Hot Potato, as well as the trickier numbers like Uncle Noah's Ark. She doesn't even remember the words or dance moves, but I still do. (Just please don't ask me what three items we need from the grocery store right now, because that? I cannot remember. Nor can I remember what I did with the list I wrote of the three items we need before heading to the store. Must be a short term vs. long term memory thing. Either that or my brain is full.)
3) I never knew that my very first reaction, upon being faced with another human being on the brink of vomiting, would ever be to cup my bare hands under the barfer's mouth and attempt to catch said vomit therein. Now? It's apparently instinctual, as I've done it (many more times than once) without even having a conscious thought on the action.
4) I never knew the rule "The smaller the toy, the more painful it is to step on barefoot in the middle of the night." This is, of course, compounded by the facts that (a) the older the kid gets, the smaller the toys get and (b) the older the kid gets, the less chance one is supposed to have to step on a toy because theoretically, that kid is supposed to be able to pick her dang toys up off of the floor and put them away where they belong. The subsequent "element of surprise" multiplies the pain factor, I think.
4b) Also? I never knew I'd be able to accurately identify the species of several dozen different dinosaurs simply by stepping upon them barefoot in the dark. For the record, the ankylosaurus is both the easiest and most painful dino to identify using this method.
5) I never knew that "Fisher Price" was a legitimate interior decorating theme.
6) I never knew that I would ever instigate and/or enthusiastically participate in detailed conversations centered around the topic of bodily functions. Sometimes with relative or even complete strangers, even. What is it about motherhood that makes one suddenly eager to discuss things like poopy diapers, and the amount, color and texture thereof?! (Thank heavens this was just a phase that passed by potty-training's conclusion.)
7) I never knew my heart could break, just a little bit, on a daily basis, but it can and does. Each morning, as I watch my now-first-grader climb on the bus, it shatters just the teensiest bit. (Yes, I'm over it by the time I've got the front door closed and am surrounded by the peace and quiet of my morning at 8:04, but there is that moment, still, every day.)
8) I never knew I'd actually do the "lick the finger and scrub at the dried Godknowswhat on my child's face" maneuver.
9) I never knew that I was flexible enough to not only accurately pass the [sippy cup/water bottle/bag of Goldfish/book/toy/stuffed animal/Kleenex/wet wipe/chapstick] into the waiting hands in the back seat of the minivan without taking my other hand off the steering wheel or eyes off the road, but also to later retrieve the dropped [sippy cup/water bottle/bag of Goldfish/book/toy/stuffed animal/Kleenex/wet wipe/chapstick] off the floor of the back seat of the minivan without taking my other hand off the wheel or eyes off the road.
10) I never knew that time would go by so damn fast. It feels like I've just blinked and a third of my child's childhood has passed. I heard them tell me - oh yes, I definitely heard all the parents who told me, over and over again, how quickly the time flies by once you have a child, but I never knew it until I became a mom.